>> October 15, 2004

Tour Of Hope

Dear Family and Friends,

First of all, thank you so much for your support throughout my entire journey, especially the latest part, The Tour Of Hope. To say incredible is an understatement; I think life altering is a better choice. To even attempt to sum this up is overwhelming, but I will do my best to share with you what I experienced riding across the country with some of the most amazing people out there.

Our ride began at the City of Hope hospital in LA. It was great being there and they gave us a tremendous send off. Lance introduced us, they showed the TOH video about the riders and our mission, and then we all headed out around midnight.

Seeing the country alone was truly awesome and inspiring and gave me a great appreciation for how small I truly am. We rode through about 13 states and each one expressed its own unique beauty. There was the colorful sunset in the desert, the painted trees in the mountains of Colorado, the pancake flat sections of Kansas and Ohio, and the spectacular rolling mountains of Pennsylvania where the leaves had already exploded into a myriad of brilliant colors. As I said, each place sparkled in it’s own unique way.

Meeting people along the way was of course a huge highlight of my trip. Their names and faces will be forever etched into my mind and heart. Survivors, those still fighting, and people who just really supported our mission greeted us with nothing but love. Seeing them really inspired me and heightened how already grateful I was to be a part of someone thing so incredible. Reaching others with a message of hope was what this was about; hope through clinical trials, hope through seeing a team of people who refused to give up, hope through seeing people who God helped beat the odds, and finally hope that was reflected back through their own stories and experiences as well. I must say again how honored I feel to have personally met so many amazing people, and how grateful I am for each and every one of them.

The team I rode with was yet another part of this amazing journey. The four other riders, who I had the honor of getting to know very well during the course of the event, have become among the most inspiring, courageous and faith-filled friends I know. Every day was a joy to be with them and how I treasure the time we shared. Before each and every ride we prayed together. This was very powerful and strengthened us and I feel enabled all of our team to ride practically the entire time. We laughed in the middle of the night as we rode, instead of crying like we wanted to. On the bus rides we talked about out the painful experiences we’d been through which molded us into the people we are today. We listened as each opened up their heart and welcomed the other in. We also shared how God reached into our broken hearts and broken lives and put them back together. We encouraged one another and pulled together to accomplish our mission. I have never experienced such a thing, five people from all walks of life coming together as if we’d been friends from the beginning of time. The group of twenty I believe experienced the same thing. Although I did not get to know them on the same level, I have been truly inspired by all of them. The staff on the ride consisted of cooks, massage therapists, coaches, media specialists, mechanics, lead car, follow car and bus drivers, etc… were all equally impressive. Many of them had cancer connections as well as a tremendous respect for the cause. I was so impressed with how the ENTIRE Tour of Hope team worked together. We are so small on our own. None of this could have been even imagined on an individual basis. But when you send out an army and ask God to help you the extent of what can be done is limitless.

The DC event was nothing less than life changing. As I got on the stage and turned around I saw a sea of yellow t-shirts worn by students, family and friends. I was so excited and so happy that so many wonderful people came there for me. I have been so blessed to be a part of such an amazing community at St.Augustine. I also happen to have the best family in the world, and to see them all there was fantastic.

Finally, the Messages of Hope I had waiting for me when I got back to work Monday had me in tears. They were so touching. I just sat and read them over and over again. I cried for many reasons, but most of all because I realized in some small way I had made a difference. That has always been my hope in life, to somehow make someone else’s life a little bit better. I strongly believe we need to help one another any way we can whenever we can. I also believe there is no room for hopelessness, not with God on our side and the amount of faith that I have in His plan.

I love you all so much and thank God you are in my life.

Love,
Kristen

>> October 11, 2004

“You Did It Again!”

Yes, you did it again! As I returned to work today, Monday, I checked the website to see if I had any more messages. What an incredible welcome. I cannot tell you how much joy I felt hearing from everyone out there. Your messages of hope have changed my life so much and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to do that. My goal was twofold with the Tour Of Hope. First of all I wanted to inform people of cancer clinical trials. I personally know how important they are. But on an even more personal note, I wanted to reach individuals who were or are fighting, or know someone fighting, to tell them not to give up. I understand the pain involved, I understand feeling hopeless and wanting to quit, and I understand how it feels to walk around with no hair, or eyebrows, or eyelashes with a line sticking out of my neck while people can’t help but stare. Even knowing all of that, I am telling you that you can do it. I am truly passionate about helping and encouraging others out there. Please know that someone does understand and someone has total faith that YOU WILL GET BETTER. And one more thing, find something good in each day, no matter what you have on your plate. If you search I know you can find something. And that something might be all you need to take a step back and smile. I treasure you all, Kristen

>> October 10, 2004

The Day After

…is way too quiet! Where did everybody go?! I can’t believe how quiet it is, as I sit alone in my apartment. It is a strange feeling to have spent every waking moment with someone for the last 10 days and then for them to disappear so quickly. I must admit I am sad that our time together has passed. However, we were each called for a reason. Every person involved, rider or staff, was moving to this point their entire life, so that we could come together, connect and influence each other and those we met along the way. Our mission was so much bigger than us, and we could not have made any kind of difference alone. I know anything this purposeful was planned a long time ago. So if you are ever wondering why some things happen, trust that it IS for a greater purpose than what you can see. If anyone would have ever told me how much my life and my faith and my heart would change for the better because of cancer, I’d likely have gotten angry with them. But after going through it time and time again, wondering why but not questioning, it has become very clear to me. And as difficult as it all has been, if that is what it took to get me to where I am, and the person I am continually growing into, then so be it. Although the 2004 Tour Of Hope has concluded, hopefully our impact will never end. This is only the beginning, for we each have a special role to play here that will not be complete until cancer is extinct. How I long for that day. Remember to Live Strong, to NEVER ever quit no matter what you are facing, and most importantly, that faith makes all things possible. God bless you always.

>> October 9, 2004

Washington DC!

It was so great to be finally riding into DC. I felt the energy of the crowd pulling me in those final miles. Although I was tired, and sore I was ecstatic, because it was for such an incredible cause. I was thrilled thinking about my family and friends who I would soon be with.

As we rode onto the Ellipse, the path was lined with cancer survivors as well as thousands of others, cheering and waving us in. It was awesome. It was strange to be flooded with so many emotions all at once. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, or cry or shout! It was also difficult to hard back the tears; tears of joy for completing the journey, tears of sorrow for all those who have been affected by cancer, and tears of hope for the courageous many who are standing up to fight and beat cancer each and every day. We approached the stage and handed off our bikes. Flashbacks of last year’s DC event flooded my memory. I was in the audience last year after the ride. Quite honestly, I had no idea about the National Team. When I heard about what they had done I was totally awestruck. I remembered watching the footage of their ride, hearing about their personal stories, and then watching them finally ride in. I felt so inspired witnessing them. That day truly changed my life. I saw them standing on the stage and knew that I was supposed to be there. I could hardly wait until the time came around to apply. Anyway, now here I was, ready to get up on stage and see what last year’s team saw. It was my turn to look out into the sea of people and take it all in. As soon as I got up and turned around I saw a sea of yellow shirts worn by all of my family, friends and students! They had made special shirts for the occasion and donated all of the proceeds to the Tour of Hope on my behalf. I was so honored. I had waited so long for this day and it was even more special than I could’ve anticipated. I saw so many people I couldn’t believe it. I knew that there were many survivors out there as well as those still fighting and my heart poured out to everyone. Each time I focused in on the audience I recognized one more face. I could hardly contain my excitement. Knowing that so many people came there to support me, and this tremendous cause, absolutely fills me with joy. This battle is not over. As long as people are getting cancer, we all need to stick together and fight for them. That’s what I saw on the 9th, thousands of people standing together to make a difference. Just like I saw with the Tour of Hope team, together we are so powerful. So please, let’s stick together and continue to fight this battle together, until we are completely victorious.

>> October 8, 2004

I can’t believe we are finished our final stage and heading into Maryland. Pennsylvania was one of the most beautiful rides and definitely the most difficult. We knew it would be challenging as we began so we prayed and proceeded with a great attitude. After all, we’d come this far, stopping now was hardly an option. The mountains with their changing leaves were so beautiful. We hit climb after climb after climb for about 65 miles. We climbed approximately 10,000 feet. With tired legs, sore muscles and being mentally worn out, we pulled together as a team and made it through. There is so much momentum of this mission, pulling us to DC, no physical or mental strain can stop us. We have stayed strong and positive the whole way and being a part of such an awesome group of people, as well as riders, means the world to me. I think it is easy to think sometimes we can do it all by ourselves. But we have people in our lives to share the load. Whether it is on a bike ride across the US, or a battle with cancer we must always remember to help one another but to also let others help us. We are all in this together. I have never experienced such team work like I have in the Tour of Hope. The riders as well as the amazing staff supporting us, have impressed me beyond words. Witnessing so many areas come together to make this the incredible event that it is, has been truly awesome. Needless to say I am truly honored to be a part of the Tour of Hope. I am also really excited to ride into DC tomorrow. I remember the event last year and know this year will be incredible as well. I am looking forward to seeing my friends, my family and my students who are all totally amazing. Thank you for following and supporting our mission.

>> October 7, 2004

“A Few Surprises!”

We headed out around 8 PM for our ride in Illinois. It is always tough heading into a night stage because, hey, we should be sleeping! Nevertheless, we got ourselves together and proceeded with a smile. The first surprise for me was when I got off the bus a dear friend of mine was waiting to say hello! A fellow ultra-runner with whom I had shared a few events together; including a 100 mile trail run this past summer; came to visit me. I was not expecting to see anyone I knew so when I saw him standing there I was really excited. I thought it was so great that he came to see me and the team off.

The next great surprise was around 10:30 PM when a few more familiar faces appeared. The chances of seeing one person out here were slim, but to see three other friends was inconceivable. Somehow, several other friends found us on the road as they traveled through the area heading into MD. It was amazing because our route was altered so much due to road work. We really needed a boost and seeing my friends really helped. They gave us the push we needed to keep on going. Thanks guys! I cannot tell you how much we appreciated the effort!

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping us going. Whether or not I have talked with you personally doesn’t matter. It’s just knowing that you are all out there, cheering us on and supporting us that has such a huge impact. Thanks again so much and I can’t wait to see you all in a few days. Live Strong!!!

>> October 6, 2004

“Just When You Think Life Can’t Get Any Better!”

Our ride today began in Mason City, Iowa. Again the ride started out during the day which was awesome. Another bright and sunny day and again we were all so excited to ride. We began at the hospital where there was a Hope Rally. I really love seeing all the people who came out to see us and show their support. I enjoy meeting people and hearing about their stories. Their faces will forever be etched in my mind and heart. The day was already awesome and we hadn’t even begun to ride. Then I heard that Lance Armstrong was going to join us for part of out ride. Everyone always asked me what I would say to him when I got to meet him. I’ve always known what I wanted to say to him, and that is thank you. I have wanted to personally thank Lance for all he has done for me as well as so many others facing cancer. I was reading his first book a few weeks before I was diagnosed with lymphoma back in 2000. I was so amazed with his determination and how hard he fought. I knew if he could do it I could do it too. So just like Lance I was determined, kept on fighting and kept on riding throughout my illness. It felt really great to thank him in person and I feel honored to have had the opportunity. The ride continued to have some sweet surprises as half way through we were handed a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut…YUM! And finally, just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, I heard that we were to be greeted in Ossian, Iowa by the entire middle school! That made my day as well as the rest of the team’. I was so happy to see their excitement. And I know it had nothing to do with their getting out of class early for the occasion. It was so much fun talking to the students and signing their yellow bracelets and t-shirts. It made me think of my students and how much I miss them. I have so much to share with everyone! I am really looking forward to DC on the 9th and seeing everyone. This has been such an incredible journey; I wish it would never end. Well, looking forward to seeing you in DC! Love, Kristen

>> October 5, 2004

Our ride began in Lincoln, Nebraska. It was a beautiful day and we were all excited to ride as usual. Of course starting with the sun out made it even better! The pace was supposed to be pretty light but when you get a bunch of guys together that can quickly change. We really pushed it hard and there were many times I doubted I could keep up. My legs were on fire but I refused to give up. I was giving it all I had but knew I needed more. The ride was about 80 miles, which meant several hours of going hard. As we headed into the final 20 miles, which contained lots of good hills, I had an incredible surge of strength and energy. I absolutely felt as if I was on eagle’s wings as I sailed in stronger than ever those final miles. We were greeted in Omaha, Nebraska by the Postal Service and there was a big Hope Rally. It was such a great feeling seeing people supporting us and our mission. I know there are many people out there who are supporting us who I will never have the honor of meeting personally. Thanks for making a difference in our lives and we hope we are making a difference in yours. Live strong, Kristen

>> October 4, 2004

“Desert Rose”

We headed out for an early evening ride, around 5 PM. The roads through the desert were beautiful and they seemingly went on forever. The sky was so big and the sunset was one of the most beautiful I can ever recall. It was the coolest thing, riding together down the long stretches of road in a pace line, while the sky changed colors; from blue to pink to purple and then finally into night. The lead car was cranking tunes, which made it even more fun. The best was when they cranked up “Desert Rose”. Not only is it a great song and extremely appropriate, but it is also the song that reminds me of my caregiver, Roseann.

I met Roseann randomly on the road a few years ago, as I was lost on a bike ride one day. I remember looking around to find someone to ask directions. No one. I did a quick scan once again and to my delight I saw a woman across the road. Even better, she had a bike! I rode over to talk to her and ask her if she could help me find my way. We clicked right away. After giving me directions, we also exchanged e-mail addresses and decided to get together for some training rides. Well, we only managed to get in a few rides because it was at this time that I began getting really sick. I remember the day after my diagnosis, I called Roseann and told her I had cancer. She was devastated. Later that day, I got a message from her saying that she called every prayer group she knew and gave them my name to start praying. That’s the moment I knew this was going to be much more than just a training partner. Roseann became my primary caregiver very early on in my illness. I cannot describe what she meant to me then and also now. She somehow always knew the right thing to say and the right thing to do and the right questions to ask. As I road through the desert, hearing her song, watching the sunset, I just smiled as the tears came to my eyes thinking about how special she is and what an amazing impact she’s had on my life. Roseann, you are with me as I continue to ride this incredible journey. Thank you for inspiring my life. I love you.

>> October 2, 2004

The ride in last night was incredible. We start off every ride with a prayer asking God to protect us and keep us safe throughout our journey. The team really came together and we pushed through a challenging trip. We really brought out each other’s strengths and worked as a team, and there’s no way we could have done it alone. That’s what the Tour of Hope is about: Working together as a team to accomplish a goal that we could never accomplish on our own.

The terrain was fun and challenging. We had good climbs and steep descents. I prefer the long climbs. I’m very excited for the next leg of our journey and I love seeing the people, especially the people on the road who ask us where we’re going and seeing their expressions when we tell them Washington, DC.

>> October 1, 2004

We woke up around 3:30 a.m. and started getting ready for our 5 a.m. ride. We were all so excited when we got up to begin our incredible journey across the country. I was excited to see the route and knew we had some climbing to do, which I was looking forward to. I enjoyed starting off in the dark because we got to watch the sun rise. It was absolutely exquisite. The landscape was amazing. As we climbed mountains, rode on flats and had miles of down hills, the team worked really well together, motivated each other and encouraged one another along the way. The energy of the group propelled us through our stage with ease. I am really excited about the next part. In fact, my first question when we got off the bike was, “When do we get to ride next?”

>> September 14, 2004

Dear Friends,
I just read all the messages of hope you have sent and I am touched so deeply that the tears in my eyes won’t stop. Words cannot describe how your words have affected me. This morning a friend of mine passed away from cancer. She refused treatments and chose to live her final days to the fullest. Sr.Paul Marie always looked after me and reminded me that even though pushing ourselves is good, we DO need to take it easy once in a while. She loved cats, probably as much as I do; she loved chocolate, even more than me. She was always smiling, always positive and always sharing the Lord with everyone she met. The hardest part when one passes on is how much we miss them. The inability to talk to them leaves a feeling of panic I cannot explain and my heart truly aches. Then I realize, one day we will all be together, with one another, with no illness, no disease of any kind, or separation from loved ones ever again. It is this image that enables me to smile even though my friend is not here to smile with me. I am riding this Tour of Hope for Sr.Paul Marie and all those others experiencing the feelings I have this day. My humble prayer is that one day it will be different. Thank you all for your messages of hope. You have truly strengthened me, not only in the Tour of Hope, but also in my life.
Very Sincerely,
Kristen

>> May 14, 2004

I was standing in my kitchen with the phone held tightly against my ear, anxiously waiting to hear the decision. The moment felt interminable! Then it happened. “You’re in!” I froze for a moment in disbelief. I repeated back, “I’m in?” The disbelief melted away and was replaced with sheer excitement and tears of joy. I said it again and again and was literally jumping up and down. This was really happening.

Immediately a barrage of images rushed through my mind. I thought about my personal three and a half-year battle with cancer and the many dark days it entailed. I felt the love and hope of all my loved ones who struggled and triumphed with me, also refusing to give up. I also thought about the many people in my life who are still fighting cancer. Then I thought about my students and my smile grew even bigger. “My students will be so happy!” I exclaimed, “We’ve been praying for this for weeks!” Many of my students and their families remained very close to me through each of my 3 diagnoses, which kept me out of work for so long. I am so happy to be back with them and for them to witness something so wonderful come from such a great challenge. I have always told them, “Never ever quit.”

Cancer has already changed me personally and my life in so many ways and it continues to do so. And now, right before me, is the best part of my journey. The Tour of HOPE. Perfect. Without hope, our lives and hearts are empty. With hope, our potential is limitless. I feel it is my mission to join with others to share that message of hope with whoever is willing to listen. I feel so honored to share in this amazing journey and eagerly await this life-changing event.